With so much going on I figured the best place to put all this emotion is on a blog! Maybe if I can write it all out it will begin to make sense to me. Let's start out by telling you about my family. I married my husband Jason on October 28, 2005, almost 8 years ago! Although life hasn't been exactly kind to us over these last 8 years, I am so incredibly grateful to have him by my side. On December 15, 2006 we had our first daughter Chloe and just 22 short months later (to the day!) our second daughter Abigail was born. This has completed our family and I couldn't be happier with what my Heavenly Father has blessed me with.

In late 2008 my husband Jason was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Talk about a shocker! I didn't really understand and I was completely scared out of my mind. How does someone deal with information like that? But we knew that as long as we had each other then everything was going to be fine. So at 9 months pregnant we went to Salt Lake City to have his tumor removed. The 8 hour long surgery was so grueling on me. I was already an emotional basket case from being pregnant and this surgery was definitely not helping! 8 hours later the doctors came out and told me that everything had gone really well. About a week later he was able to come home and 5 days after that I had our 2nd daughter. There was so much going on that I didn't really have time to just sit down and contemplate what was unfolding. All of the sudden I was a mom to 2 little girls and a wife of a husband who's health would never be the same.

Jason was able to get jobs plumbing while we were living in Idaho Falls. In January 2012 we made the move to Billings, MT because Jason had gotten an amazing job in the oilfields in North Dakota. We honestly thought this was going to be the answer to all our prayers. We finally had a great income and life finally started to look up. But in February (just one month after moving to MT) Jason noticed that his hands and feet were hurting again. Right then I knew. We set up an appointment for an MRI and my worst nightmare was confirmed...the tumor had come back and with a vengeance. I cannot tell you how hard I cried when I found this out. It was like everything that we had worked so hard for up to this point was a complete waste of time. Jason was let go from his job in the oilfields because he was considered a "liability". So our move to Montana was completely useless. There was nothing for us there.

The doctors there had told us that surgery was not going to be an option this time. They told us that there was too much scar tissue from the first surgery to be able to successfully remove the tumor a second time. So their decision was to do radiation. So with no other options we decided that radiation would be best. Jason went to the Cancer center in Great Falls, MT. He received 5 doses of gamma knife radiation over the course of 5 days. They claimed this would be the best thing for him. Later we would find out that this was not the case...

After Jason lost his job we had a good sit down about what our next options were going to be. I wanted to continue with school but hated that everywhere I went I had to do the x-ray program before they would let me do ultrasound. It seemed like the biggest waste of time and money to do a program that ultimately wasn't my career choice. So, we did some research and found that Spokane, WA had an ultrasound program and I didn't need to do x-ray first. So, we decided that Spokane was the place to be! Upon arriving in Spokane we were told that Jason would have to go to Seattle for all of the specialists that he needed. This was a bit of a setback because we were told that Spokane had the doctors he needed and we already enrolled me in school and found a place to live. So every 2 months we made the 4 hour trek to Seattle. The doctors at Harborview Hospital were absolutely incredible. I have never seen a group of doctors so committed to a patients well being. On our first visit Jason met with the neurosurgeon who immediately told him that having radiation was a bad idea, and that he would have gone in and gotten the tumor out again. A pretty big blow to us. Now, we have to wait for the radiation to run it's course which can take up to 5 years!!!

Now were pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place...

Jason has filed for disability because he is unable to work and hasn't been able to do so for a year now. We just received our 3rd denial letter for disability because they claim at only 34 years old, there's no reason he can't work. Even with a medical file with over a thousand pages and request from 6 different doctors...they still deny him. Nothing has been more frustrating that dealing with all of this. I'm going to school full time and don't work and Jason can't work. Put two and two together...we have no income. Financial aid has been our only means of income and I'm not gonna lie...it's been incredibly difficult.

Earlier this month Jason and I decided that moving back to Idaho Falls would be our best route. Come June I will be finished with all of pre-reqs for the ultrasound program but none of the programs start until next fall. So we basically have a year to wait. I don't know about you, but I'd rather wait at home! I decided that I am not applying to the program in Spokane because my GPA isn't quite high enough. But my GPA qualifies for about a dozen other programs all over the US. I will apply to all of those that I qualify for and we will move to where ever I am accepted. While living in Idaho Falls I will have to get a job, something I haven't had to do in a long time! I'm incredibly nervous and just want to make sure that I am able to provide for our family as best as I can.

On monday (5-13-13) Jason had surgery on his left foot. He apparently broke a bone over a year ago but because his feet hurt ALL THE TIME he was unable to differentiate between the pain. SO, now I have a "gimpy" husband who is pretty much bed ridden for the next 8 weeks. That leaves me to pack up everything on my own. It almost feels like I'm a single parent thought all of this, just because Jason is unable to help. I now have the utmost respect for single parents...you all ROCK! I know that this move will be a good one. It will be so nice to be with family and friends again, we have missed you all so much. I can only hope that the journey that we continue on will get better with each day that passes. With all the trials that this life has placed before us I know that we need to be grateful for the small blessings that grace our lives each day. We have healthy, smart, courageous children and we have the love of a Heavenly Father who continues to bless us though at times, we don't see it. We've learned to never take things for granted because this life is too short. You never know what tomorrow will hold...